Tuesday, 10 August 2010

Man Flu - One of the deadliest diseases in the world!

As I write this, I am sitting in bed with my laptop on my lap (let's face it, where else would it be!), a cup of Lemsip on my bedside table, four toilet rolls stuffed up my nose, a half packet of Paracetomol swimming in the already consumed Lemsip in my stomach, and a few tears running down my cheeks.

The fact is, I am dying. Many among you will feel that I am just being a wimp, and that it is just the usual bout of summer cold, but I am sure there are some out there who will sympathise with how I feel. I suspect that the divide between those who think I am a wimp, and those who think I am entirely justified in wanting to lie down and die very loudly (what is the point of dying quietly when making it known how you feel is so much more fun!) will be evenly divided between the male and the female of the species.

Yes, this is why they call it "Man-Flu". An ordinary cold that affects men far more than it affects women. An affliction that will be complained about as much as possible by the sufferer as they claim that they are dying (and rightly so, in my opinion!) while still maintaining enough energy to claim it as loudly as possible!
It always starts with the sore throat that feels like somebody has taken a cheese-grater to it. For most people, this would result in the sufferer to consume lots more water, try to relax a little more, get a couple of nights of decent sleep, and take a few lozenges. For the Man-Flu sufferer, however, this is a sign that he should begin telling as many people as he can that he is coming down with a cold. This is when one of the lesser known symptoms of the cold will start, that of feeling sorry for yourself!
A day or two of the sore throat, and the stuffed-up-ness will start, closely followed by the runny nose. Some men choose to advertise this by stuffing toilet paper up their nose, leaving just enough outside of the nostril for people to notice.

The man will eventually give up the fight against the inevitable onslaught of illness and be forced to spend at least one day in bed equally dividing his time between sleep and Jeremy Kyle (Man-Flu is proven to take away any sense of taste!).

From here on out, it's anybody's guess. It could go anywhere, and until it is over, there is no telling which way it will go. It could end with the victim feeling much better, and having a different view of the world after being so close to the edge. On the other hand, it could end in death by drowning (don't think about that too much!!).

For this particular victim, time can only tell. If I survive, I will see you on the other side. If I don't, then I hope in years to come you will remember me. Wish me luck!


  1. I had a skype call with a client in the US a week or two ago - while I was suffering from a bout of this dreaded affliction.

    I mentioned 'man-flu' when, quite concerned, he asked if I was OK because I sounded a bit hoarse. Apparently they don't have this name for it over there, at least, I guess not - from the ensuing hysterics as I explained the whole story!

    Hope you pull through. :)

  2. The condition shared by all males wherein a common illness (usually a mild cold) is presented by the patient as life-threatening. This is also known as 'Fishing for Sympathy' or 'Chronic Exaggeration'.

    Hope you are okay? ((hugs)) (I can't believe that 'fishing for sympathy' actually works!!)

  3. lol, I'm good thank you. To be fair, whatever it was, it wasn't man flu, or at least, that's not what it turned into!

    Thanks for the comment :0)

  4. I really laughed at the part about sticking tissue up your nose with a bit hanging out. My husband does that when he is sick, I know he wants me to sympathise deeply and I guess he can't think of another way to convey his feelings.
    Sometimes women feel just as bad as men. If I have the flu for a week I start asking God to let me just die.

  5. Belle: lol, it's a tried and proven method!!

    Thank you for the comment :0)


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