Monday, 12 September 2011

Apple In Shock "We Invented Everything" Claim

The new CEO of Apple today claimed that the high end consumer electronics company can lay claim to having invented "nearly everything since the dawn of time". The claim was made during a press conference held to release details of the latest Apple product, iAir, a new interoperability platform allowing seamless communication between existing products in the iElements range including iOxygen and iNitrogen.

The move is likely to spark another wave of condemnation from anti-Apple protesters concerned about the influence the technology company is having on modern society.

"They will one day have to accept that some things were around before them, surely" said a spokesperson for "Bananas Are Better", a lobbyist organisation campaigning for the freedom of licence to create. Their campaign, which started last year calls for individuals outside of the Apple corporation to be able to show creativity without seeking permission from the Apple corporation. The lobbyist group was started after a trade-marking of the letter "I" saw the banning of the use of the aforementioned letter to represent the first person singular last summer, after which it became legal for people to refer to themselves only as "one".

The spokesperson, who's name we cannot print in full due to the number of I's in his surname went on to say "I mean, I'm pretty sure that I was breathing before Apple invented iOxygen! And where does it end? Will my own lungs be the subject of Apples next trade mark?"

The Apple corporation have seen backlashes from the public before, most notably from religious groups worldwide a few years ago when Steve Jobs, co-founder and then CEO of the Apple corporation made claims to the beginnings of the Earth.

"A prototype 'Garden of Eden was available on the Mac long before god came along and worked on the idea", he said in an interview with CTX Technology News. "He then tried to do us out of our idea by sewing the seed that the Apple corporation was a hindrance to humanity with some story of Adam being ejected from the Garden of Eden for eating an apple".

Now in it's final stages, the legal battle between the Apple corporation and God, which Apple claims as one of its former employees has been raging for longer than this reporter can remember.

Where used in this article, the letter i is done so with permission from Apple corp. No iGuanas were harmed during the making of this article, although we may have hurt ones feeling after we refused it an interview.

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